The Service Van Was on TV

An emergency outage, a speed trap, a news helicopter, and a company-wide screening.

I was on call for security-system outages, which meant a perfectly ordinary drive home could become an emergency service run without much warning.

One day I was returning to Edmonton from a jobsite out in the bush near Rocky Mountain House. Back then I sometimes used marijuana on the road. That was dangerous, and it's not something I'd recommend or defend.

When an emergency outage came in, I headed toward the job in the company service vehicle.

Rush hour was in full swing. I was driving too fast and failed to recognize that I was passing through a construction zone near the Yellowhead Trail overpass.

Naturally, there was a speed trap.

I got pulled over.

As the officer approached, I rolled down the window, releasing a cloud of smoke that would have impressed a Cheech and Chong film crew.

The officer took a step back and started talking on his radio.

Time began moving very slowly.

I was increasingly convinced that my entire professional future was about to end beside an orange traffic cone.

I calmly explained that I was headed to an emergency outage. Somehow, the encounter ended with the officer letting me continue.

I thought the ordeal was over.

Then my phone rang.

It was Chris, the local manager.

“John, why is the service vehicle on TV?”

Apparently a television traffic helicopter had caught the company van pulled over at the speed trap. I had become an unscheduled feature of rush-hour traffic coverage.

The district manager circulated the clip around the company.

Fortunately, there was enough of a sense of humour that I survived the office-wide premiere.

There was, however, a sequel.

The company installed a tracker in my vehicle.

As it turned out, I'd been on my way to fix an outage.

I just hadn't realized I was also starring in live traffic entertainment.

The tracker came later.

This is a personal recollection adapted for humour. The cartoon exaggerates the smoke, the traffic broadcast and the dialogue; it is not a literal depiction of the news footage.